Thursday, November 16, 2017

Introducing The World's First 100% Transparent Ad Agency


They specialize in digital advertising, doctored case studies, and kickbacks.
Your free tour starts here—LINK on Digiday.

Wednesday, November 08, 2017

Celebrating Ads That Push It Real Good


Great ads are in fact just like great sex: you feel it in your gut, or thereabouts. Here are five recent ads that will make you say Ooh Baby Baby (maybe)—LINK on Digiday.

Friday, October 27, 2017

How To Write A Good Six-Second Ad


Six-second ads are gonna be big in 2018—on platforms and on TV. But nobody is doing them well yet. LINK—on Digiday.

Monday, October 23, 2017

The Four Worst Ad Agency Websites


Too many agencies don't know when to shut-up—LINK on Digiday.

Friday, October 13, 2017

Enough With The Bullshit Teary Faux Docu-Ads


It's the worst creative trend in advertising right now. See some of the worst perpetrators here—latest post on Digiday.


Friday, October 06, 2017

How To Tell If You're An Asshole Creative


You're too self-important, you enter scams ads in awards shows, you wear winter hats inside, and you're probably a man. Find out for sure here—latest post on Digiday.

Friday, September 29, 2017

Puzzling Marketing Headlines Interpreted


Marketing/English experts: please help me figure out WTF these recent marketing headlines are trying to communicate—LINK, on Digiday.

Monday, September 25, 2017

Ad Agencies Now Shamelessly Stealing Creative Ideas Left and Right


Jimi Obama—Foxy! Several more recent examples here—latest Digiday post.

Monday, September 18, 2017

Unfortunate Marketing Job Titles of the Near Future


VP of Wokeness, Head of Thought, Marketing Mahatma. What will your overly important title by in 2020? LINK—on Digiday.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

How To Write A Great Ad Headline


There have been approximately zero great ad headlines so far in 2017.
Time to get service-y, LINK—on Digiday.

Thursday, September 07, 2017

The Most Bizarre Trump Ads By Brands


The President has been used to sell a sex exposition in South Africa, a cola in Germany, and tea in India. See all the ads here—latest post on Digiday.

Monday, August 28, 2017

Enter The Nihilist Tagline Writer

Wherever hopelessness and meaninglessness exist, nihilism breeds. And these days, nearly nothing is as hopeless as the State of the Advertising Tagline. More nihilistic taglines here—new post on Digiday.



Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Storytelling vs. "Storytelling"


Despite what digital marketers tell you, storytelling and selling can commingle and even thrive together. See three classic storytelling ads that sold the shit out of the product—my latest post for Digiday—LINK.

Monday, August 14, 2017

Why do Ad Agencies Suck at Advertising Themselves?


Would you hire a broke stock broker? How about a hacked hacker? Then why would you hire an ad agency that sucked at advertising itself? Latest post on Digiday—LINK, which includes four of the worst ad agency self-promo ads ever produced.

Monday, July 31, 2017

Deep Inside a Bleeding-Edge MarTech Meeting


If you understand what's being said here, you're a genius.
Post Link—on Digiday.

Monday, July 24, 2017

Finally, a Good 2017 Tagline.


Read about it here, latest post on Digiday—LINK.

Monday, July 17, 2017

What's New in Condom Advertising?


The latest condom ads, from all over the world--LINK.

Monday, July 10, 2017

The Death of Creative Departments is Near


Ad agency “Crowdsourcing” and “Collaboration” and “Co-Creation” are leading to mediocre ads, and the end of creative departments is near. Story link on Digiday.

Wednesday, July 05, 2017

Five New "Punchable" Ads


These aren't just bad ads, these are reprehensible ads that talk to you like they hate you. See the new punchable ads here—my latest post for Digiday.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Cannes Creativity Report: visuals beat words, every time


The best Lion winners this year all had one thing in common: great visual concepts. See them all here—LINK, latest Digiday post.


Monday, June 19, 2017

Let's Celebrate The Only 100% Honest Ad Awards Show Left.


Forget the fake real ads of Cannes and honor the real fake ads of the 2017 Chip Shop Awards. See some of the winners here—post on Digiday.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

The Sad State of American TV Ad Copywriting.


Who's writing all this absolute garbage? LINK, on Digiday.

Monday, June 05, 2017

What's The Difference Between "Good Different" & "Bad Different" Ads?


The above new Argentinian campaign for Topline gum is "bad different". See more recent bad (and good) examples here—new post on Digiday.

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Dead-vertising Lives!


Whole lotta people dead/dying in new 2017 ads.
See them all here—my weekly post for Digiday.

Monday, May 22, 2017

How to Write a 6-Second Ad.

YouTube wants six-second ads now, so I wrote some.
More here—LINK on Digiday.

Friday, May 12, 2017

Human Copywriters Are As Good As Dead.


And there's nothing you can do about, analog CW.
Post Link—on Digiday.

Friday, May 05, 2017

Worst ads of 2017 (so far)


Including ads by GrubHub, VW, and SmartWater—a campaign that, against all odds, gets stupider every year. LINK, on Digiday.

Wednesday, May 03, 2017

Best Ads of 2017 (so far)


This year's output—again—has been a big heap of dung. But if you dig, and dig, and dig, you'll find a few shiny beetles of imagination. These are those beetles—link on Digiday.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Maybe Advertising Can Solve All The World's Problems?


Pepsi just defused social unrest. Dove of course has already treated and cured all female insecurities. But there are still too many brands on the sidelines of "purpose" marketing. So I helped several of them out by making (very rough) concepts for them. See them all here—on Digiday.

Friday, April 21, 2017

Use This One Weird Trick to Become a Better Copywriter.


Wanna be able to write headlines as good as these? Good luck! See more of the great Fallon McElligott ads of the 1980s—90s here—LINK to my latest post on Digiday.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Deciphering Meaningless Marketing Headlines


I tried—and failed—to find meaning in 9 recent marketing headlines. Take a look here—my latest post for Digiday.

Friday, March 17, 2017

Why "Fearless Girl" is one of the best ad stunts in the last 10 years.


It's simple and it has "creative tension".
Read more on good vs. bad ad stunts here—copyranter on Digiday.

Friday, March 10, 2017

What If Trump Let Brands Use His Brand?


More bad Trump ads here—LINK on Digiday.

Friday, March 03, 2017

Does Facebook Advertising Even Work A Lick?


Shares and Likes ≠ sales spikes.
Read why here—on Digiday.

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Fashion Advertising Is Out Of Ideas.


No fresh concepts. Zero originality.
Read why here—my latest post for Digiday.

Friday, February 17, 2017

We Are The New Diversified Ad Agency Of The Future!


We are Manifold Motley + Miscellaneous (our logo, above), and we foster unthinkable diversity! We have Blacks, women, Muslims, homeless refugees, centenarians, a stove-pipe sponge, and both serial and spree killers on staff! Read more about us on Digiday—LINK (this is "satire").

Friday, February 10, 2017

An Inquiry: Is This The Dumbest Commercial Ever Produced?


It might be.
Decided for yourself here, LINK on Digiday.

Friday, February 03, 2017

CREEPY BRAND MASCOTS REFUSE TO DIE


Why? Because brands/agencies are too lazy and scared to come up with an actual new campaign concept. Read more here in today's Digiday post—LINK.

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

The Lost Art of the Meaningless Tagline


Copywriters, these days, can't even write a decent meaningless tagline. Above are just two recent bad examples. Just Do It and Think Different were meaningless taglines, but they conquered the world for Nike and Apple. Read more in my latest post for Digiday—LINK.

Friday, January 20, 2017

2017: The Year of the "Creative".


Everybody's making ads now, so everybody's a "creative".
This is not a good development, unsurprisingly.
Read more about this trend here, my latest post for Digiday—LINK.

Thursday, January 05, 2017

The Absolute Worst 10 Ads of 2016.


Including not one but two unoriginal, stupid "pregnant" man campaigns. Plus a dehumanizing, Dystopian subway station takeover by Facebook. The worst of the worst will not be a surprise to you. LINK—on Digiday.

Friday, December 30, 2016

The 6 Best Ads You Didn't See This Year.


There were ZERO (0) greats ads this year. I'm not kidding. But, here are 6 decent ones you might have missed, including the above graphically appealing campaign by Leo Burnett Dubai for McDonald's coffee. See the rest here—LINK.

Friday, December 23, 2016

Brands that use hashtags as taglines are fucking idiots.


"Search for better", Subway? I can find a better sandwich in any deli/prison.
Read about more stupid brand hashtag taglines on Digiday—LINK.

Friday, December 16, 2016

So You Wanna Be A Change Agent...

Above: you can tell he's a "change agent" because he anthropomorphized "Crocodiles"

If you're a change agent, wanna be a change agent, wanna know what the fuck a change agent is, or think all marketing people should just shut the Hell  up, you'll find this to be a snackable piece of engaging content—LINK on Digiday.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

ON SHITTY COPYWRITING.


Seven recent examples, including this pathetic, pandering Häagen-Dazs NYC subway poster that reads like it was written by a 5th grader from Indiana. See all the shitty writing here—LINK on Digiday.

Thursday, December 01, 2016

This Season's 5 Worst Christmas Commercials


They're all bad, but the Lexus spots are the absolute worst.
My latest post for Digiday—LINK.

Friday, November 25, 2016

I've Finally Found My Stock Photo Dæmon.


He's on Shutterstock, labeled: "Senior Man Using Laptop Computer At Rest In Park Outdoors". He is the perfect physical manifestation of my Inner Self. More about him (he's Russian) and more photos via my new post on Digiday—LINK.

Wednesday, November 09, 2016

What's the Difference Between a Smart Senseless Ad and a Stupid senseless Ad?

It's very subtle, but there is a difference.
Read about it in this post I wrote for Digiday—LINK.


Friday, October 28, 2016

It's Official: Everybody Hates Advertising Now.


It's not just the General Public and "Banksy". No, now even ad men and women, even creatives, hate it. Read why here, on Digiday.

Friday, October 21, 2016

What is a Copywriter, Exactly?


And what do they do? Well, I'll tell ya, exactly, what they are and what they do, right here, on Digiday—LINK.

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